I'm Great.

I’m on my way to have dinner with some dude who I’m not sure I’m at all interested in, but checks a lot of existential boxes and I need the practice. He’s successful, accomplished, seemingly nice and local.

We have a nice meal, and an easy and good conversation – connecting on many levels and at first pass, seem to have many things in common. I’m not feeling any chemistry though and it’s a bummer, really.

We leave the restaurant in the pouring rain and in the parking lot he kisses me under an umbrella, which sounds so romantic right?

But it freaks me out because no one has kissed me in a long time, and this guy is not moving my libido in the right direction so the chemistry is off and I feel it’s almost cringe worthy.

I quickly get into my car, to avoid the rain and the man and the kiss. I hurry home to try to unwind this very weird encounter and get a text from him.

"Thank you for our fabulous dinner! Really enjoyed our conversation talking about items near and far."

ME: “Thanks #2, really enjoyed it too. Sorry for the awkward kiss. You’re an amazing guy.”

“Right back at you, you’re not a guy though, but an amazing gal.”

ME: “So, can I ask you a favor?”

“You bet.”

ME: “Can I get a do over on that kiss?”

“Of course, the kiss was very nice.”

ME:” I’m an over achiever. I can do better. Hope this makes you smile.”

“It does and you’re very neat, indeed! I haven’t been intimate with anyone since my last breakup, but I am dating and trying to see how I am connecting with people.”

Huh? I'm neat. I haven’t been neat in years. Well maybe in 1973 but not so much in 2024.

This is really code for – you are in the ‘dating profile shopping cart’ for now and I may remove you at any point or substitute you for a younger, cheaper or more attractive item, pending other circumstances.

What I want to say back to him is, how did we get to sending me a signal that he’s dating around from my asking for a do over on a kiss?

The correct answer on the board would have been, you are adorable, and I look forward to seeing you again.

Well, that would have been appropriate if he was into me.

In this nano second of a moment everything has flipped into a centrifuge of confusion because I've been thinking he was into me and felt flustered and flattered by his attention. He told me how attractive I am – four times on the first date - and you look amazing on the second one and love that dress and so forth. So I'm thinking this guy is into me.

Not so much.

This recent message was designed to send a frosty "chill out girl."

I didn't think I was that ‘out there' with my cute ask for a redo kiss, but intended or not - likely intended because this guy is smart - he told me to get back into my place in line please, while we sort out the other contestants.

Dude, I have been with one man for 24 years, and I'm now in the sex Sahara desert so I think I’m kind of doing the same thing here – dating and connecting with people.

Crap. OK girl, be cool here. And so I write back...

Me: “Got it. Just go slow.”

Code for, I'm humiliated, slightly mortified and backing away slowly while trying to maintain my composure, ego and self-esteem. Stay cool, be chill, casual and give him permission to go out with anyone and everyone which of course is perfectly legitimate at this juncture.

Though, I am asking myself, why he felt the need to point this out in this very moment. I must have sent a signal to him that I am over my skis in his view and I needed to be put back in my place?

And then it occurs to me that I've been the mid-week date – haven’t been asked out on a weekend - which seems to be by design and a sign that shopping is clearly underway. The mid-week date is like a seat filler at an awards show. Low investment to fill out the room.

Clearly, I am on a very steep learning curve while also being totally out of practice and in desperate need of relationship bifocals because I have failed to read anything right here.

I've completely misread his lustful looks at my chest that first night at dinner when I felt like I was on display and being checked out for possible mating.

That said, it’s starting to come into focus now. Whatever “it” may be. Thank you for holding darling, we will be with you shortly.

As all this ruminates in my brain, in a matter of a few seconds it happens. He writes...

“You are great.”

I’m great.

Is that a conciliation prize to make me feel better that I am in the ‘Amazon cart’ of his dating profile, parked there along with several others and may or may not be removed or ‘saved for later.’

Or is this an atta-girl kind of you-are-great?

Or, a genuine you-are-great signal that conveys I am an amazing person and a sexy-bitch-kind-of-great?

I sort-of already know I’m great. I’ve been great a lot, and sometimes, even amazing.

What I want to say back is: dude I am great and you would be lucky to have a shot at hitting this. And here’s what I write back instead.

Me: “Well thank you. You too.”

He writes back with the prayer hand symbol, “Thank you.”

See ya.

So why am I even trying with this man is also very confusing to me because just two days ago, texts from me to my friends have been describing him as an amazing guy - super smart, really nice, someone that would be a 'good catch' accompanied by my existential dilemma that I'm not so into him. I tell them I want sizzle first, before steak.

Advice comes pouring in from the chorus of friends. Well, give it a try, you never know. Things can change. So, I work really hard to wrap my mind around this and decide maybe I can get into him. And I'm thinking, he's really into me anyway so this will be easy.

Not so much Kemosabe.

I tell myself, and any friend who kindly indulges my thoughts on this matter, that he checks so many of the boxes and at this age I probably have limited options. Maybe if I just work at this a bit, I could get into him. And being totally honest, I want to WIN. I want to get the prize even if I don't really want the prize so I can at least say I got the prize.

So, prior to being GREAT, I invested a lot of mental energy telling myself to get past that attraction kerfuffle and work from the mind and soul.

A week passes, and in my mind this is now in the rear view mirror.

But no, eight days later on a Saturday morning a text pops up on my phone.

“Hi Claire – I’ve been thinking more, and I feel you’ve probably come to a similar view. I think we have a good friendship vibe. I think we enjoy each other’s company, and the gift of gab. It would be great to go forward like that.” Signed #2

Let’s see here – Saturday chores

• Do laundry

• Go to grocery store

• Wash car

• Put Claire in the friend zone

Don’t get me wrong, I love a good to do list that gets crossed off. It’s admirable; really it is.

But I have to ask myself was this really necessary?

Clearly for him it was.

If I’m generous, I would like to think maybe he felt he ‘owed me this’ – not sure why, or that he’s a gentleman and always cleans up after himself?

There is so much I want to say to this guy – a lot of assumptions are being made here.

So I do nothing. Because doing nothing is also doing something. And hopefully my doing nothing will mess with his head a bit and unravel his closure a degree or two.

I do still admire his writing though. It was an incredibly well written sign-off and I will keep it for my personal use if the situation ever presents on my side.

My friend speaks the truth – “well this is pretty much how you felt too so maybe be his friend. Maybe he can introduce you to someone?”

I let the advice soak in and consider the upside of a friendship.

Two days later, I send him a text message:

“Hey #2, got your message – both texted and conveyed. If you would actually like to be friends, I am open to that. Let me know if you want to have coffee or lunch sometime. And, if it was just a polite sendoff I get that too and wish you all the best as you continue your journey."

Two minutes later a response comes back.

“Hi Claire – I really enjoyed meeting you, and would be fun to get together. We do enjoy each other’s company and banter. Let’s touch base about lunch next week or so.”

It’s so reminiscent of “When Harry Met Sally” by Nora Ephron who poses the fundamental question, ‘can men and women just be friends?’

I don’t know yet.

But he seems to be a very nice guy who is just genuinely out in the world doing his best like the rest of us.

And then, from the cesspool of dating, Facebook, I see an alert on my home screen of my phone:

"Neil sent you a message in dating."

It's 2:03 a.m.

Next please.